A Story of Real-Life Parenting, Repair, and Growing Together
Jennifer’s Perspective
It wasn’t the first time I had been at odds with my teenage son—and it wouldn’t be the last. But in this moment, something shifted. I realized that if I wanted to protect the closeness in our relationship, something in me needed to change.
I’ve always seen myself as a present and involved mom—affectionate, encouraging, open to hard conversations, and committed to guiding my kids with care. But the truth is, I also let my own anxieties, fears, and desire for control creep in. Deep down, I was scared. Scared of getting it wrong. Scared of him making painful choices. And so I’d tighten my grip in ways that actually created more distance.
Looking back, I can see how this made it harder for my son to trust me with the things that mattered most. He didn’t need more advice—he needed connection. And despite raising my kids to be strong, independent, and expressive, in this moment it felt like that approach was coming back to bite me.
I had to ask myself: Did I have what it takes to parent differently now? Was I too exhausted, too emotionally worn down? I think part of me had hoped parenting would be like a sitcom—wrapped up neatly in 15 minutes. (Ha!) But this wasn’t fiction. This was real, complicated, and raw.
Josh’s Perspective
As the teen in that moment, time felt like it stood still. I wondered what was going through my mom’s head. I had never been quite that direct with her before—at least not like that. But I’d tried, and it never really landed.
To be fair, she had raised us with high standards. I remember her saying, “Don’t burn bridges. You never know when you might need help from someone.” But in this moment, I worried I had burned our bridge. “Could this be the moment she loses her shit?”
At sixteen, with ADHD and all the normal chaos of adolescence, I wasn’t always predictable. But I did know this: my mom felt out of touch with what I was going through. She seemed to think she was right—but I felt misunderstood. I was wrestling with who I was, what my friendships meant, and how I fit in the world. I was hard on myself and terrified of being unwanted or unheard.
What I wanted in that moment was for my mom to listen—to actually hear me. I had seen so many of my friends push back on their parents only to be met with control, shame, or withdrawal. But her response surprised me—and it changed everything.
Jennifer’s Reflection
It struck me like a ton of bricks. His words weren’t about defiance—they were a bid for connection. He wanted to be known, and he wanted to know I could handle it.
I thought, “Okay, here goes. If I really want to be the kind of parent I set out to be, this is one of those moments that counts.” So I tried something different. And so did he.
That didn’t mean we stopped having conflict. We still negotiate, still stumble, still need to repair. But we began learning how to do it together. It required me to let go of being right, to step into his perspective without judgment, and to offer the compassion I hoped to receive—even if I didn’t get it back right away.
When Your Child Is in Mental Health or Addiction Recovery
Let’s name something that’s often overlooked: when your child is in treatment, they are learning a new language—new behaviors, new coping tools, and a new way of being in the world. And sometimes, it may feel like they’re parenting you.
That can feel unnerving. But here’s the truth: it’s also an opportunity. These moments invite us—the parents—to grow, to heal our own patterns, and to meet our kids in a deeper, healthier place.
It means practicing boundaries, managing our own emotions, and facing our fears about what it means to have a child who struggles. It means listening when it’s hard, and choosing connection over control.
Real Change Happens in Real Relationships
From Josh & Jennifer
As therapists, we see moments like this every day. This is the stuff of life. It’s raw. It’s beautiful. It’s hard. And yet—we’ve seen so many people shift their story.
We hear it all the time:
“I need help… but I feel like I can’t change.”
And then they do. They break the cycles they grew up in. They show up differently. They begin changing their relationships—not perfectly, but in profoundly meaningful ways.
That’s why we’re offering a new resource for parents walking this road.
Rising Together: A Workshop for Parents of Teens in Recovery
Date: Saturday, July 19th, 2025
Time: 10:00–11:30 AM
Location: Cherry Hill – Vernon Hills
Cost: $50 per person
This 90-minute workshop is a space for parents of teens navigating mental health or addiction recovery. It’s a space for honesty, reflection, skill-building, and hope. Whether you’re overwhelmed, unsure how to help, or just feeling alone—we invite you to come. Let’s rise together.
To Register:
Email Josh Flanagan at jflanagan@cherryhillcounseling.com or Jennifer Flanagan at jennifer@cherryhillcounseling.com
